I Miss You a Little
by Nftnat
Summary: A certain former Rugrat faces the loss of two of his closest friends, maybe the last friends he had. Chapter 4 is now up.
1. Default Chapter

Greetings, fans of Rugrats fanfic in general & my writings in particular. Here, as I said it would be, is my latest creation. Unless you're easily bored as to whys & wherefores --- in which case you will want to skip down a paragraph or two --- let me tell you how this came about.   
As some might have guessed, I'm a country music fan. A few months ago I heard the song 'I Miss You a Little' by John Michael Montgomery. As soon as I heard it again, I knew I had to make a songfic out of it. But who would be the one to be missed? I first thought of Phil from Hey Arnold, but there are already a couple of fics covering his 'Last Tango In Paris', as he erroneously calls it, and besides I have my own plans for that event in my stories over there.   
So my thoughts came here, to a certain Rugrats character, two of them actually. You'll figure it out, probably already have.   
So, I had the idea for this. Well if you're familiar with my writings, you know that once I have an idea it has this tendency to grow, and so this one did. It wasn't long before it was too big for a songfic, so it became something that afaik is something completely new, a multi-part songfic (if this isn't the first one, someone please tell me).   
Then I thought of something else. An opportunity to tie it in with the background for my Rugrats Weddings series. Bits & pieces of what happened to the gang in high school & college had been mentioned there, but like I said it was just bits & pieces. I needed to expand on what they went through to get to where they are in TRW. I needed to explain how they ended up the way they did. That explanation starts here.   
So, without further filibustering, here is I Miss You a Little, Part I. Please read it, and when you've finished, please review it. Thank y'all.   
  
Rugrats and all Rugrats concepts are created, owned, and / or copyrighted by Klasky-Csupo and / or Nickelodeon, a unit of Viacom.   
Crazy Arms by Ray Price, referenced here, was done in 1956 on the Columbia label.   
  
  
I've been thinking about it, & I have come to an obvious and inescapable conclusion: this past few days have been the absolute worst of my life, no contest.   
Today might be the worst of all time. It would have stiff competition from the few days before it, but tell me this. What day would be worse than a day on which you say good-bye forever --- at least, in this world --- to two of the best & closest friends you have ever known? Two people who have been there for you since the day you were born.   
All right, only one of them was human, but the other one has meant more to me than many of the people I have known, and that's saying something.   
  
*knock knock*   
  
I'd better get that. Excuse me while I go open the door to my room.   
"Mom?"   
"It's time. We're ready to go."   
"Uncle Drew & Aunt Charlotte?"   
"They and Angelica arrived five minutes ago. Angelica's already in the limo. You're the only one we're waiting on."   
"I'm sorry. I, "   
"You don't have to explain, sweetheart. You're probably suffering the most of any of us."   
"Yeah," I whisper.   
That sends her over the edge a bit. She cries, we hug, et cetera.   
"You going to be all right now?"   
"I'm your mother, I should be asking you that question."   
"If I see a need, I'll ask."   
"You always were so sweet and nice."   
"Yeah, tell that to my friends. If I still have any left."   
"Oh..." she calls my name. Followed by more hugging. And more crying. And more comforting. And each of those goes both ways. I know it's not cool for a teenager to be seen with his or her parents, but I really don't mind. Especially at times like this.  
Anyway, we stop hugging, and I know it's time. I open my mouth.   
"I'll get my coat, turn the light off, and I'll be there. You go ahead."   
"All right. Don't be long, dear."   
"I won't." I give her one of my famous smiles, the kind that has been known to charm females of all ages. You think that's conceited? I've seen it at work.   
She leaves, and I do what I said I would do. Better hurry; the rest of the family is probably already in the car.   
Remember I said this is one of the worst days of my life? And it's hours until noon yet. Both funerals are still in front of me, of us.   
  
The limousine is white. Appropriate for a funeral home? I don't know. My first thought on the subject is that it should be black, but I just don't know. I remember once, I heard Mrs. Finster say that in certain parts of the Orient they wear white to funerals. Makes me re-think weddings.   
Speaking of, I wonder what the Finsters are doing right now. And the Devilles. Um, I'll get back to that later.   
The limo has three seats, not counting the front. It's about full. Dad & Uncle Drew & Grandma Lulu are in the first seat, Mom & Aunt Charlotte in the second, and us teenagers in the third.   
We teenagers seem to be arranged according to age. Angelica's on one side of me, Dil on the other. And to look at us, one would think I'm the happy one among us. I'm not the happy one; I'm just the one who thinks he has to be strong for the others.   
I look to one side. Angelica. Mom said she was the first one in the limo. With the a/c on it's hard to tell. Not that it helps her looks or her mood. Mind you, she is turning out to be gorgeous, but... Y'know, I get the feeling that if I waved my hand in front of her face, or even snapped my fingers in front of her, she wouldn't react. She seems catatonic. Not that I would dare, not at this time or in this place.   
You wouldn't know she'd just snagged her best friend's boyfriend. At least, I think she & Susie are still best friends; I haven't really been paying as much attention to the goings-on across the street as I should have been lately. If they're on the outs it would be par for the course. Why not burn all relationships while we're at it, so many have gone down lately. Not that I'd want that. Everyone loves Susie, she's the only sane one. Our mentor. It wasn't right, what Angelica did; I feel sorry for Susie because of it, but... I just don't know.   
I turn to my other side. Dil. Talk about feeling sorry for someone. These past weeks, months, have been Hell on the little guy. Chuckie's been like a second father to him, and Lil like a second mother. And Phil like a crazy uncle, Dil's picked up his perverse sense of humor I'm afraid. And Kimi, um, I'm not sure what she's like to Dil. The point is he's gone through unimaginable sufferings because of the strife in the group. I can see him withdrawn far inside himself, keeping the dam inside him from exploding by any means necessary. He's trying to be strong too, because I am I know. That's my brother, copying me. Sometimes it's annoying, sometimes not. Like now.   
Wait, what's that they're saying up ahead?   
  
"Didi, you should be up front with our husbands & Lulu."   
"Oh, I don't know, Charlotte."   
"Now now, you were closer to Lou than I was. It's my own fault, but that's how it was. You should take the other seat up front when we get there."   
"If you're sure."   
"I'm sure. I'll be fine in the second pew with the ki- uh, the teenagers."   
  
A gust of carbon dioxide involuntarily leaves my nose, the telltale sign of a snicker. Hiding my face behind my hand, I have to smile. I glance sidelong at my cousin to see if she picked up on her mother almost calling us kids. She didn't. She really is gone. So to speak.   
This really means something to Aunt Charlotte; she left her cell phone at home, on purpose. And she's doing it at no small risk to her career. Aside from the usual crisis Jonathan calls about every five minutes, she's in line for a seat on MergeCorp's board of directors. She's been president long enough & successfully enough that she's earned it, but if the calls that she'll miss in the next hour or three are important enough she might not get it. Have I mentioned that life is not fair?   
I don't have a clear view of what's going on two seats ahead of us, and something tells me I don't want to. Dad & Uncle Drew have been inconsolable. And who could blame them. It would be the same for Dil & me if we lost... I don't want to think about it. Then there's Grandma Lulu. My heart goes out to her, really, it does. I mean, Grandpa met her before he met my grandmother Trixie, my real grandmother. After fifty years the two of them finally found each other again, and then after only fourteen years... Fourteen years is not long enough. And I heard she woke up next to him with him like that. I guess that's the way I'd want to go, in my sleep, but it's a bit hard on the one next to whom I wouldn't awaken. *shudder*   
  
We're here.   
Nervous is not the word for the way that I feel right now, to paraphrase Ray Price. I've been asked to say a few words. I still have no idea what I'm going to say.   
How do you eulogize your own grandfather? If anyone has any idea I'd appreciate it if you'd clue me in. And soon. All of this on top of the fact that what was the tightest-knit circle of friends that ever existed not six months ago is now in ruins. Augh, I don't need this pressure. I'm only fifteen.   
Fifteen.   
That seemed to be his favorite number. Every time he'd talk at length about anything it seemed, that number would slip into the conversation. He'd walk fifteen miles, or go fifteen times at something or other, or do something for fifteen years; you know, if you added up all the fifteen year stretches he claimed to have spent doing this job or that, He'd have been closer to 900 than 90, I tell ya... Wait a minute.   
Could it have been a sign all these years? Was he trying to tell me that once I turned fifteen, that was it for him? I dunno, I've never been one to put stock in signs. Unlike my dad, I've never been superstitious, knock wood. Mahogany wood of course; we're in a classy funeral parlor. But I dunno, maybe there's something to it. I mean, I'm fifteen, and he lived to the age of ninety. That's fifteen times six. Chuckie pointed that out to me, at the birthday party, one of the last times the group was together.   
  
That reminds me; I wonder if they're out there. I mean, they might not be getting along with me or with each other, but this is bigger than all of us. I'm going to sneak a look.   
We're in the family section. You know the place I'm talking about if you've been to any funerals. It's at the front of the, whatever you call this, a chapel? To the side of the casket. You'd have to be in a choice few positions here to see out in the audience, or vice versa.   
"Tommy? Where are you going?"   
"I have to know."   
"Know what?"   
"I have to know!"   
I walk to the edge of the family section and peek out.   
There they are, and together nonetheless. All in the same pew. Phil. Lil. Kimi. Chuckie. Chuck, I mean; I'd better get used to calling him that if I want to be taken seriously as Tom. Not that either one matters any more to them. I'm pretty sure the only reason they came together is Chuckie's the only one of us with a license. Oh, they could have come with their parents, but since some of their parents are pallbearers the logistics would be problematic. Did I just say that? Wow.   
*sigh* Seeing them again brings it all back.   
  
We'd been a happy, carefree group of friends all our lives. Well, aside from whatever crap Angelica laid on us we were. And that usually didn't amount to much thanks to Susie. That those two could be best friends and worst enemies at the same time testifies to Susie's forbearance. Huh, another complicated word; I guess Chuck's rubbing off on me in that way too. He's an academic genius, you know. But more on that later.   
Speaking of Chuck, that's kind of what started this whole snowball rolling: when he fell for Angelica's friend Samantha. It happened back in, when was it, sixth grade? No, it was fifth grade because that year I turned 11, or I had. Kimi's birthday was the same day, and the twins had already turned 11. Chuck was twelve; you'd think he'd be in the grade above us, but when he was about to start kindergarten his parents decided to hold him back a year so he'd be attending with the rest of us. That was nice of them if you think about it; the most important thing you can have in a public school is a circle of true friends, a pre-fab clique to defend against the cliques you know are going to be there --- the jocks, the geeks, the party crowd, the fashionable, the beautiful people, et cetera.   
But I digress. The point I'm trying to make is this whole thing really started when he noticed Samantha. Not that it was really his fault; I guess when you enter puberty it comes with the territory. Look what it did to the rest of us.   
About the same time, Susie was hooking up with Timmy --- who's a year older than them --- and Angelica with Dean. You know, that biker we met when he was four? He was quarterback & captain of the football team by then, taught me quite a bit about the game too; I give him at least partial credit for the success I've been having in j.v. and whatever success I'm going to have in high school. Oh, I got a girlfriend myself. Her name was Hannah; she was a stunning redhead. We're not together anymore, though. What's the term, we grew apart? I guess that's what happened.   
Now we're in high school, and things have changed. We're a hardy group of freshmen & freshwomen and we've depended on each other. In some ways, going out among the established cliques, we need all the support from each other we can get. No doubt, we're much stronger together than separately.   
In some ways we haven't had it so bad for freshme-, uh, whatever the gender-neutral term is. Freshers? Our elders and betters --- 'betters' applying in particular to Angelica, you can ask her yourself if you don't believe it --- had been working behind the scenes on our behalf. By the time we entered Eucaipah High School, the buzz was out. I wasn't just Tommy Pickles, cute guy (what? It's not bragging, we're all cute). I was Angelica's cousin, Dean's protege. There were seniors hitting on me. Me, a freshman! I'm not even shaving yet, much. The word was out about a certain junior's significant other too; the Chuckie-lovers were out & about. Phil had his fan club too, helmed by more seniors; it turned out Marti & Kayla remembered him from when he was their baby, briefly. And the girls, well, there was a pair of hubbas if you get my meaning. It's been relatively painless for us, and our togetherness has helped. We are a clique unto ourselves, our own little Rat Pack if you will. The jock (Kimi), the brains (Chuck), the clown (Phil), the star (Lil), the operator (me).   
This past few months things had become very interesting on the romantic front. That junior whose significant other Chuck happened to be? One guess who that was. Yep, Samantha. And last year, when Chuck ended his "2.5 years" in captivity in braces, she took their relationship to the next level. At least that's the term he used. And something told me I didn't want to ask questions about it. Meanwhile, the rest of us were pairing off; Phil & Kimi, Lil & me. I didn't really figure out just how it happened; one moment we were all just friends fending off enough invites & propositions to shake a box of pick-up sticks at, the next we were more than friends. We'd gravitated toward each other. But just between us, I think I figured out how it happened. And there's the rub, a symptom of this big problem that has overtaken us.   
  
Whuh-?   
Someone has me by the elbow. I turn, & face my mother.   
"Let's take our seats now, Tommy. It's about to start."   
"Yes ma'am."   
We return to the pews. I remember the arrangement:   
First pew: Grandma Lulu, Uncle Drew, Dad, Mom.   
Second pew: Aunt Charlotte, Angelica, me, Dil.   
As I walk to my seat I glimpse some of the others. Grandma Lulu looks absolutely shattered. Uncle Drew & Dad aren't much better. I suddenly find the floor fascinating.   
I slide into my seat next to Angelica; Dil had stood to let me in. As I slump, I can't stop thinking about them. The group. And how we undid 1 & 1/2 decades of friendship in 1 & 1/2 days or so.   
  
  
  
And there we are, for now. Don't worry, the next part is already written & will probably be posted in a week or so. Please review, y'all. Please? Thank y'all. Of course, I'm Nftnat; on e-mail, I'm nftnat@aol.com ; and on IM I'm Nftnat . 


	2. Kimi

Folks, today I heard the title song on the radio again, which I took to be telling me that it was time to get the second chapter posted. So here it is. Here we start to find out what happened in the group, in between scenes from the funerals. Yes, I said funerals; remember there will be two. Bad stuff will happen. I'm really getting into angst these days, which should worry me. Maybe I just need to get this out of my system, *shrug* .   
  
As to the reviews, y'all didn't disappoint.   
Thank you, Lil Kimi. I see your point and I might do something about it, but I'm not promising anything as concerns that.   
Thanks, Energizer Bunny. Yes, it was sad. Here's the next chapter.   
Thank you, carla morgendorffer. Deep, new perspective, good, I'm trying for just such stuff.   
Thanks, Starry Nights. Wow, me original, whoda thunk it. And I'm glad you think I'm improving on details.   
Thank you, Wicked Wonder. This makes me sad too & I wrote it. And I'm the optimist around here. But you shouldn't let this keep you from creating your own works, even if there might be similarities. In my other Rrs fic I've borrowed from works by LK & SN. Recently, over in the HA! section, someone released a fanfic which is very similar to my first fic, Complicated, same song & all. So go ahead & write what you want to, you have my blessing. Given what I've seen of your other writings & depending on the rating I can't promise I'd read it, but don't let that stop you either.   
  
Rugrats & all Rugrats concepts are created, copyrighted, & / or owned by Klasky-Csupo & / or Nickelodeon, which is a unit of Viacom.   
  
  
First, you must understand what we didn't at the time: Samantha had dumped Chuck. We didn't know, because he didn't tell us. The ol' Chuckster always did value his private life. Sometimes, however, he goes too far. Like this time. You get dumped, you tell your friends; that's what they're there for. Maybe Kimi knew --- I hadn't had the appropriate opportunity to ask her --- but it would seem that she would have told Lil, who would have told Phil, and I would've found out somewhere along the way. *snort* , 'somewhere along the way'; I'm only his bestest friend. I was there when he first noticed her. I was the one who advised him, despite him having a year plus of experience on me. If he wouldn't have told me he wouldn't have told anyone.   
Meanwhile, Angelica broke up with Dean and made a play for Timmy. A play which succeeded. Apparently, Susie hasn't taken it well; there's been some crying heard across the street. Although it might be because of her family's situation. Did I mention her 100-year old Aunt T is in the hospital, barely hanging on? Dil overheard Mom talking about it with Mrs. C. a few days ago. Any day now... but I digress.   
  
The thing is, things were changing, and we didn't have a clue. I for one was clueless about lots of things. And it was all about to come bubbling up at a single significant event, in a way reminiscent of one of the first memories I'd ever had.   
My birthday.   
And it occurs to me that the memories of that day and the day that followed, of our whole unfortunate experience, can be classified under four subheadings, corresponding to each of my former friends. Man, I really have been hanging around with Chuck too much.   
  
First, Kimi.   
Let me start by saying, for the record, I did not start the flirting. She did. Although in her defense, I don't think she thought it would get out of hand; I know I didn't.   
We're friends, and sometimes friends flirt with each other; it's all in good fun, right? Besides, she was with Phil & I was with Lil & that was that. And another thing, your best friend's sister, that's a no-no, right? So we didn't see it coming; we weren't even looking for it.   
  
It was my birthday, which meant it was her birthday too. That's right, we were born on the same day, she and I. For that reason, we've been labeled The Virtual Twins from time to time. But I still haven't convinced her that I'm older than her.   
Every year on the appointed day we hold one birthday for the two of us. Since my first birthday party was at my house, which was before we met her, and since our second birthday was her first with us and therefore held at her house, it was decided that we alternate sites. So our second birthday was at the Finsters, our third at the Pickles, fourth at the Finsters, and so forth. It has been quite a satisfactory arrangement for all concerned. And now that I think of it I find it a bit disquieting that she & I are connected in such a permanent way. Kind of cosmic, know what I mean? Maybe someone's trying to tell me something. Or not. Listen to me talk, next thing you know I'll start believing in luck.   
She'd turned into quite an attractive young lady. As had Lil. It was no secret that Phil & I were the envy of much of the student body, due to those students' bodies. But it's not just the physical. As for Lil, her cuteness rating is off the scale, in everything she says, does, & is. As for Kimi, she's fascinating. She's as fearless as me, maybe more. She's not even afraid of Angelica. She was the first to go toe to toe with her, except for Dil but that's not really the same. Uh-oh. I'm gushing about her, I'll need to re-think this.   
Anyway, we'd been flirting for some time off & on. And it continued during the double party, held at our house this year.   
  
The bulk of the festivities had passed, and I was exhausted. All right, I wasn't that tired, but being the guest of honor does take a lot out of one, so I went upstairs to be alone. I was in the hall, in front of the door to Dil's room, which just happens to be Grandpa's old room, when...   
  
"Happy birthday, Tommy."   
I smiled; I'd know that voice anywhere. "Right back atcha, Kimi." I turned around, facing her. Wow, she's a knockout.   
"Whoa!"   
"Whoa?"   
"Yeah, you look fabulous."   
"Mm, flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Pickles."   
"Dad? Where?" No really, I'm looking for my Dad. Or anyone who could turn down the tension that I'm not noticing.   
  
Kimi is smiling that dangerous smile. No red flags in that area, she's always happy & such, it's just part of the fun. With her, you have to learn to expect mischief. That alone would cause even me to look for a way out.   
"Um, like I was saying, you look good, really good."   
"No, you were saying I look fabulous."   
"Whatever. New outfit?"   
"Duh! Chuckie & I always get new party clothes on our birthdays."   
"That's nice."   
"I wouldn't mind if it happened more often, though."   
"Like how often, once a month? Once a week? A day?"   
"Keep going, you're getting warm."   
"Ha ha."   
Now she's leaning against the opposite wall, one hand to her chin, elbow supported by her other hand. You know, one of the classic thinking poses. I worry; Kimi thinking is a dangerous thing.   
"What?"   
"I was thinking of something Phil was saying."   
That reminded me. "We'd better be getting back."   
But she didn't move. "He was online the other day, and one of his cyber-buddies was telling him about a family tradition they had regarding birthdays. The birthday person gets a spanking."   
"Spanking?"   
"Not a real one, just swats on the seat with a bare hand. And they're not even hard. A joke, really."   
"That's a relief."   
"One for every year, and a pinch to grow an inch."   
I had to smile as I looked down on her, literally. "So have you had your spanking yet?"   
"Hah! No one could catch me to give it to me!"   
"Mm." I lean on her, my elbow on her shoulder; she's going to top off under five feet I just know it. "And I'm guessing you're severely deficient in the pinches department."   
Her mischievous look deepened, taking on an alarmingly aggressive tone. "Just for that, I'm giving you your birthday spanking right now."   
"Oh no you don't!"   
Then she tackled me. What followed was minutes of wrestling, just like when we were little kids. We'd get into it now and again, no big deal, no big deal here either, right?   
  
There we were, romping & rolling around, on the floor, just like I'd done with her a hundred times back when we were kids. I didn't think anything of it, one of my closest friends, my bestest friend's sister. I'd done the same with Chuckie & Phil & Lil; this was no different. No big deal, right?   
Right?   
Such turned out to be not the case. I'm not sure what happened or how; all I know is that it ended with us in a liplock. And my eyes closed. Who was on top? I don't remember; it doesn't matter, does it?   
  
I must state, for the record, that as soon as I realized what was happening I broke it off. I saw myself kissing her; I could feel my eyes tripling their size. I couldn't get away from her quick enough. And to her credit, she also backed off.   
We were silent for a bit, then...   
"L- like you said, we'd better be getting back."   
"Right." I was already halfway to the stairs when I heard her call me.   
"Tommy?"   
I turned. "What?"   
She looked as guilty as I felt. "If it means anything, I didn't mean for that to happen either."   
I sighed, looking away. "So neither of us got in a clinch on purpose, we were caught up in forces we couldn't help or understand. I guess that's better than doing it deliberately. Even if it doesn't make us feel any better."   
"Tommy..."   
"Does it make you feel any better?"   
Her expression of guilt had added generous amounts of misery. "No, it doesn't. I'm sorry, I..." she trailed off, desperately trying to keep from crying and almost succeeding.   
I felt bad that she was sad, but what could I do? Hold her? Wouldn't that have just made it worse?   
The only thing that occurred to me at the time was to get while the getting was good, which I did, calling out behind me, "You might want to hit the bathroom before you go down, get rid of the evidence. Wouldn't do for it to be known you cried on your birthday."   
"Right." she nodded. "What about you?"   
"I'm a guy, Kimi. I can hold it in better."   
She smiled grimly. "I'm not in the mood or I'd argue that."   
"I know." I turned back to the stairs. "Besides, it wouldn't look right if we came down together."   
"Right."   
So I went downstairs. After a few minutes so did she. Neither of us knew of anyone seeing us. But we found out later.   
  
  
  
So far so bad. Next time things really start coming apart. You'll see.   
The usual, please read & review, if you want to contact me I'm Nftnat, on e-mail I'm nftnat@aol.com , & on IM I'm Nftnat . And I'll cy'all next time. 


	3. Phil

And here's chapter three; I figured it was about time to get it out. Let's just say the situation continues to degenerate, or as Chuckie said in Acorn Nuts & Diapey Butts, things just keep getting worser. Not much to say here but to get to it.   
  
Other than the acknowledgements of course.   
Energizer Bunny, thank you.   
Starry Nights, thanks. You're about to find out.   
Wicked Wonder, thank you & thanks for understanding. I am interested in the fic you're working on; depending on the rating, I'll read it when it's done. I'll look forward to it, I think.   
Lil Kimi, thank you. It's no secret that I like the two of them together, and that I like for it to be a bit spicy, good spicy mind you. Keep in mind that all of this will ultimately lead to The Rugrats Weddings; I'm showing how the group gets there & I expect it to be a long trip of which I Miss You a Little will be just the opening. I'm already anticipating future fics.   
  
Rugrats & all Rugrats concepts are created, owned, and / or copyrighted by Klasky-Csupo and / or Nickelodeon, a unit of Viacom.   
I Miss You a Little was written by Anthony/Fagan/Montgomery and performed by John Michael Montgomery on the album What I Do the Best, Atlantic Records 1996.   
  
Ouch.   
I turn around to find out why Dil just poked me in the side. "What?"   
"It's time for Susie to sing." And with that, his mouth snaps shut like a trap. No emotion. He continues to stare ahead, as he has done all day, for that matter ever since...   
But that will have to wait, as the opening of the track comes over the system, from that little music room behind the, what is it called? Nave? Apse? Cloister? I don't know my architecture.   
  
Sometimes a song can touch a nerve   
that takes me back to you   
when I pick up my old guitar   
and play your favorite tune.   
Every now and then, some little thing   
I've hid comes bubbling up;   
and once in a while,   
you feel close enough to touch.   
  
I miss you a little   
since you've been gone.   
A few little memories   
keep hangin' on.   
I miss you a little,   
I guess you could say.   
A little too much,   
a little too often,   
a little more every day.   
  
There's more to the song, and if you were to ask me afterwards I could tell you how it went, but right now my mind was unwilling host to a flood of memories about Grandpa. I knew that if I didn't think about something else I'd lose it, and I couldn't allow that to happen, not yet. I had to be strong for the family.   
So as Susie finished, my mind wasn't on that. Or on the words the preacher was saying --- Louis Calhern Pickles, et cetera, born something something 1917, departed this life something something 2007, yada yada survivors, wife Louise Deborah Pickles of Eucaipah California, two sons, Andrew Martin Pickles & Stuart James Pickles, both of Eucaipah California, three grandchildren, and so on.   
To think about something else, anything else, I thought about that which had previously been uppermost in my thoughts. The next step in the dissolution of the group.   
Phil.   
  
The rest of the party, and the rest of that day, went without incident. Or at least nothing happened that wasn't par for the course for one's birthday. No one noticed anything unusual about Kimi or me. And no one had an inkling of any bad vibes in the air. Or if anyone did it completely escaped my attention. But I think I've proven by now how clueless I can be.   
We got our first whiff of trouble the next morning. It was one of the last days of school, and as was usual Chuck picked us up in his parents' wagon. With Kimi of course.   
I got in first. Dil was still in junior high so it was a school year in which he didn't go with us. Which meant there were five of us. No big deal before we started dating each other, but since that happened there was a bit of jockeying for position on a daily basis. The only one in the group not dating someone else in the group would have to be the driver. Sometimes Lil & I got a seat to ourselves, sometimes it was Phil & Kimi. But as of then there was one arrangement which we had not tried. That was to change.   
That morning, it was the Pickles' turn to be first on the pickup route. So I got in the seat behind the front. Kimi had the shotgun position, for the moment.   
"So what's been going on, you guys? The phone's been pretty quiet since the party."   
Chuck responded. "Tell me about it. Usually we have to use the jaws of life to remove Kimi from the phone."   
I expected Kimi to come back with something like "Only when you and Samantha aren't hogging the line", but she said nothing; she just stared out the window.   
After the nervous silence which should've been occupied by Kimi's contribution to the conversation, Chuck tried again to keep it going. "You didn't hear from Lil?"   
"No, I didn't. Didn't get anything, and they're next door too; you'd think I'd have heard something, over the phone or otherwise."   
He shrugged. "Yeah, it's weird. What do you think's going on with those Devilles?"   
"Beats me."   
He turned to Kimi. "You have any thoughts on the subject, Kimi?"   
Nothing.   
He tapped her shoulder. "Hey, sis?"   
She jumped, almost; apparently her mind had been elsewhere (what was my first clue). "Huh? What did you say?"   
But before another word could be said, we had company. We were next door by then, and Lil was coming in sight, Phil hot on her heels.   
She looked lost, like she wasn't certain of anything, like maybe she wasn't sure about her best friend, which turned out to be true whoever you think her best friend would be, my money being on her brother. Speaking of, just try to read Phil's expression at the time. If there ever has been a face that came closer to perfect neutrality, I've never seen it.   
Kimi & I both brightened at seeing our respective significant others, but our faces were still tempered by not a little concern.   
"Hi, Lil."   
"Hi, um, Phil?"   
By the time we got half of those words out of our mouths, Phil had bolted past his sister & jumped the seat where I was into the back; Apparently he was volunteering to be alone this time. Surprising. But what he said next was even more surprising.   
"Get in the front seat, Pickles."   
'Pickles' was stymied, as for that matter were we all. Protests weren't long in coming as the usual jockeying for position began. Began, but was arrested in short order as all arguments were cut off by Phil, in the most forceful voice we'd ever heard from him.   
"I said get up front, Pickles!"   
Well, then we didn't know what to think. Heads turned to his sister for an explanation but read only bleakness. Without another word I headed up front, passing Kimi along the way as she took my seat beside Lil. Not to repeat myself, but Kimi looked as perplexed as I felt.   
As I got into the shotgun position I saw Chuck looking askance at me, questions in his eyes. I could only shrug.   
That was the quietest ride on which we'd ever been.   
  
The silent act continued all during school. Not word one from him. The rest of us were at a loss as to what was going on. Any attempts made to get anything out of him, and we made quite a few attempts, met a stone wall of silence.   
We weren't the only ones to notice. When one of the school clowns suddenly turns into a mime without the body language, people are going to notice. After the first couple of classes we had our hands full fending off inquiries into his behavior left & right.   
He also kept to himself all day, didn't even sit with his friends at lunch. The same could not be said for the rest of us, however.   
  
"So what's going on with him, Lil?" Chuck asked.   
"Yeah. He didn't call me at all last night. I called three times, but he didn't want to talk."   
"I know, Kimi; I took two of those calls, remember? I have no idea what's going on. He hasn't spoken since the party, well, except for what he said in the car."   
Heads turned in my direction.   
"What?"   
"You're the only one he said anything to, Tommy."   
"I know, and I'm just as puzzled as the rest of you are."   
"Maybe I should have a word with him." Chuck volunteered.   
"Why you?" his sister asked.   
"Maybe it's a guy thing. And no offense, Tom, but I'm closer to him than you are."   
"None taken, Chuck."   
And Chuck did try to talk with him. So did I. And Kimi. And Lil. No luck, zip city as they say on television.   
The silent treatment continued on the ride home, riding arrangements being the same as that morning. Phil made sure that I rode with Chuck, Kimi with Lil, then he lay down in the back seat. Oh, the seat belt laws? Well, Phil never has been the biggest stickler for the rules.   
  
Really, there was more silence on that ride than there's been at this funeral. Chuck dropped us off; Phil went in the house without even acknowledging any of us. Lil followed, but I think it was just so we wouldn't see her cry.   
Not knowing what else to do, and with many a sad & confused look between us, I sort of followed Phil's example; except I acknowledged Chuck & Kimi enough to say good-bye to them.   
I reached my room and set about doing the homework for that day. I was also waiting for Dil.   
Jim Jr. Junior High lets out a half hour earlier, and it's closer to the Finsters than to our house, so he usually went there & waited for Chuck & Kimi to get home, then he'd come home. He really likes Chuck, always has.   
I wasn't home for five minutes when I heard a knock on the door to my room. Kind of soon for Dil to be home.   
"It's open."   
The door opened, but not a sound did I hear. My attention piqued, I turned around in my chair, to see Phil standing there in my doorway, his face all business plus a bit of anger.   
"Hi, Phil."   
"We need to talk, Pickles."   
"Okkay."   
I stood and moved to my bed, indicating that he should take the seat at my desk I'd just vacated. He complied.   
"So, what's it all about, Phil?"   
"Why don't you tell me?"   
"About what?"   
"You & Kimi."   
"What?"   
"Don't play dumb with me."   
"I'm not playing."   
"Don't even try; I'm the comedian around here. Or are you going to try to take that away from me too?"   
"Phil, I think I know what you're talking about. But for the record, just so we know we're on the same page, tell me."   
"Fine, if you wanna be that way. I saw you two making out at the party."   
"We were not making out."   
"Oh, come on! You were all over each other!"   
"Phil--"   
"It's bad enough you'd take away from me the one girl who'd give me a second look--"   
"All right, now you're just babbling; you could have your pick of dozens--"   
"So could you and don't interrupt!"   
He was now on his feet, towering over me. "Sorry."   
"...but did you think about what you're doing to my sister? It's a good thing she didn't see it."   
"Phil, if you're through ranting, could you let me explain?"   
"What's to explain; I know what I saw!"   
"Did you see what led up to it? Or what happened afterward?"   
That at least put him on pause for a moment. I followed up my opportunity. "Please, hear me out."   
pause "All right." But he wasn't happy about it, and he wasn't going to be easy to convince.   
  
He sat and indicated that he was listening. I could tell I was going to have to do some fancy talking to get out of this one. Preferably the truth.   
"You might know that we've been flirting with each other; you know how flirtatious she can be."   
A grudging nod from him.   
"I for one didn't think anything of it. I mean she's one of my best friends, my bestest friend's sister; why would I think anything of a little harmless flirting?"   
"The harm comes in with discovering the opposite sex."   
"Right. I acknowledge that now. But at the time..."   
"All right; move on."   
"Right. Well, last night she was telling me about something someone was telling you, about this tradition of a birthday spanking."   
He nodded. "Yeah, I remember telling her about that."   
"Well, it wasn't long before she was trying to spank me. I couldn't let her do that, so I fought back. Next thing we were wrestling. No big thing about that; we used to wrestle all the time, all of us. You know that."   
"Yeah. Go on."   
"Before I knew it we were kissing. But as soon as we realized what was happening we broke it off, both of us."   
"A likely story."   
"It's the truth! How much of what happened did you see anyway? I didn't intend for that to happen, she said she didn't intend for it to happen either. It was just one kiss, and we agreed that it could never happen again. I didn't even try to comfort her when she was crying because it wouldn't have looked right."   
"She was crying?" I could see the emotion coming to the surface, good emotion. I'd hit home. I had to follow it up.   
"It was the guilt, Phil; we both felt really bad about it. I don't want to hurt anyone or damage any friendships, and I think the same is true of her."   
He was thinking about what I'd said, I could tell.   
"It was just one of those little accidents in life, accidents which are not repeated." I'd thought he'd accepted my explanation, and I stood, my hand out.   
"Friends?"   
I think I'd won him over much earlier than he let on. Now, he had to make a pretense of thinking it over, which he did. And now his hand went out to mine.   
"Always friends." he replied.   
We hugged, the way that old friends do.   
"Hey, we'd better go tell the others. They were worried about you."   
"So what's new?" he laughed. So did I.   
As we moved toward the door to my room I congratulated myself for pulling this off without any negative consequences to anyone. Little did I know how disappointed I would soon be, by my own hand, or should I say mouth.   
  
Phil was now talking, saying things that would soon set me off, and ultimately set him off too. As well as a chain of events leading to disaster.   
"Boy, I'm telling you, Tommy, I'm breathing a lot easier now that we've cleared that up."   
"Yeah, tell me about it."   
"No kidding, I mean you don't want to know what kinds of things were running through my mind."   
"And your mind's scary enough as it is."   
"Like I said, I'm the comedian here. But I was just thinking that the way it was supposed to be was you & Lil, Kimi & me. I mean, when I first thought of, of..." he trailed off, realizing he'd said too much.   
He wasn't alone in that realization. "What do you mean 'the way it was supposed to be'? First thought of what?"   
He tried to cover. "Uh, nothing."   
"No, you were saying something. Maybe you didn't intend to, but that's the most telling stuff, the stuff you don't intend to say anything about. What was it?"   
"Nothing!"   
"Phil, you're being as evasive as I was a few minutes ago. More. Now what would you have to hide that would concern any kind of plans you'd had long ago about you & Kimi, Lil & me..." I trailed off as things from the past started to fall into place.   
"What?"   
"I just remembered that you were the one who got me together with Lil in the first place, right after Chuck started seeing Samantha."   
"Yeah, so?"   
"We didn't even have to pay for our date; when I went to pay the bill the maitre'd told me it had already been taken care of."   
"So I wanted you two to have a good time; she's my sister & you're one of my closest friends. What's the harm in that?"   
"No harm, if that's all it was."   
"What?" He was visibly nervous now.   
"I just find it interesting how anxious you were at the time that we get together, not to mention that you started dating Kimi immediately afterward."   
"No!" He knew what I was getting at now, even though I didn't, not quite.   
His reaction confirmed what I'd been getting at; it was a good thing I was next to my desk by then because I needed to sit down then and there was my chair. Lucky me.   
"Oh no. No!" I didn't want to believe it myself. "Phil, just tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. Tell me none of what I implied is true, just tell me that."   
He didn't answer, he was kind of upset at the time though.   
"Phil, look me in the eyes, tell me that you weren't interested in Kimi from the beginning. Tell me you didn't set me up with Lil with that in mind."   
I got nothing from him; it was devastating.   
Now I started to get angry. I shot up to my feet. "So that is it. You were interested in Kimi and you saw me as competition, is that it? So to get me out of the way you set me up with Lil?"   
"No." he moaned.   
"You hypocrite! You used your sister for your own ends? There's a word for that, Phil; and like your name, it's a four-letter word that begins with a 'P'."   
"Don't do this, Tommy." Now he was starting to get angry, again.   
"Does she know how you used her? I guess I'd prefer it if she didn't know; I don't want to think ill of her."   
"Stop it." he whispered; I should've caught this as an indicator of how upset he was now, but I didn't.   
"And what about Chuck, huh? You have some nerve coming to me with what I do to your sister; what would your Duck brother say if he knew you palmed off your own sister so you could have a chance at HIS?"   
POW! I never saw it coming. Did I mention I'm not the only one among us on the football team?   
Caught under the jaw, I lurched, knocking my chair around, then over. He loomed over me, ready to follow up, when something happened.   
Even in my rapidly progressing state of unconsciousness, I heard the scream. Of course, Phil heard it too. Which was fortunate for me, as he stopped what he was doing, which was whaling the tar out of me. He, more than anyone else would, recognized the sound. "LIL!"   
The next sound was that of a door slamming, followed by footsteps running away. But they weren't Phil's.   
The steps that I heard after a few seconds were, though. I could hear heavy breathing, then I felt my head being yanked up. I was face to face with him.   
"Now look what you did! You'd better hope I can stop her before she does something she'll regret, or I WILL come back and finish this!"   
Then my head was released to drop to the floor. I could hear more rapid footsteps, and the sound of his voice: "LIL! Lillian, wait a minute!"   
The front door slammed.   
  
  
  
More to come, as group devolution continues. Y'all will see. Now that you've read, please review. I'm Nftnat, on e-mail I'm Nftnat@aol.com , and on IM I'm Nftnat . Cy'all next time. 


	4. Chuckie

"Things just keep getting worser." --- Chuckie Finster, Acorn Nuts & Diapey Butts   
  
Yes, the angst continues and things continue to deteriorate. It's scaring me how I'm getting into this angst. My consolation is that I know it will turn out all right, and that I know how it will happen. So don't worry; no matter how bad things get, they will turn out all right, eventually. Maybe not in this fic, but it will happen.   
Of course it goes without saying that I'd like more reading, more reviewing.   
  
Time for the reviews.   
Thank you, Energizer Bunny. Yes the plot does indeed thicken. And so does corn flour.   
Brittany, I'd like to thank you too. I appreciate negative reviews; they tell me where I need to improve. I've been looking through this fic, searching for ways in which I could make it less confusing. I will keep searching and I value any additional help you can give me.   
Thanks, Starry Nights. It surprised me that you were that surprised, considering that Phil apparently was the one who caught Tommy cheating on Lil in your fic; what can I say. And I don't think I got the idea from you; they say great minds think alike.   
Thank you, Wicked Wonder. Yes, the angst gets worse. To answer your question, Timmy is 18, Angelica & Susie are 17, Chuckie is 16, Dil is 14, & the others are 15.   
And thanks, Lil Kimi. As always, I love hearing from you. I'm glad I managed to surprise you; here's the next chapter.   
  
Rugrats and all Rugrats concepts are created, owned, and / or copyrighted Klasky-Csupo and / or Nickelodeon, a unit of Viacom.   
  
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My reverie is mercifully interrupted as I become aware of a change in my surroundings. I get the feeling I should look to my right. I do, and find the space next to me empty. I look further.   
Dil is standing again. I get the message; it's time. Time for me to get up & speak.   
I stand and start moving, with heavy feet & a heavier heart. I still don't know what I'm going to say. It will have to be about Grandpa, and it'll have to be... well, you've been to funerals, you know how these things always go. I just don't know how I'm going to do it. *sigh*   
Did I say this was merciful? I'm starting to wonder. The loss of my Grandpa, the loss of my friends, which line of thought is the frying pan & which is the fire, could you tell me that?   
  
I swear, if my shoes were made of lead they couldn't possibly be any heavier than they feel right now. Inch by inch, I slowly approach the lectern, is that what it's called? Feels like I'm going to the proverbial place of execution. I still don't know. What am I going to say, what am I going to do?   
I'm nervous, and that's saying something. I'm never nervous! I'm usually completely at ease in front of a crowd. Hey, I once streaked Grandpa's Wombat Lodge festivities or whatever they were; I shouldn't be nervous!   
I don't know fear, never have; Fearless Tommy, they've always called me. But now fear is keeping company with me, even though it's still a stranger to me. And I've been taught to never talk to strangers.   
Did that make any sense? I didn't think so. Augh, my mind is going, and it's making good time too. It's going in a million directions at once, seems like. Is there something about delivering a eulogy at your grandfather's funeral that brings on a temporary case of ADHD? It wouldn't surprise me.   
  
I'm losing it. I need to focus on something, anything...   
Then it hits me.   
Off to the left, through my peripheral vision, I glimpse a shock of red, and the lights glinting off of something. I know what it is; it's where I saw my friends earlier, my, my former friends I guess I should say.   
As I continue inching along, it's all coming back again. The oblique sight of the one who had been my lifelong best friend brings it all back. The last fight, the one with that best friend.   
Chuckie.   
  
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Of course, he wasn't the first redhead I saw after I got home that afternoon; that honor would necessarily go to Dil.   
Like I said, his school gets out earlier and he waits at the Finsters for them to get home, after which he comes home. I can't see why; with the Java Lava going great guns both senior Finsters aren't there so it's just Dil & the dogs, their share of the descendants of Spike & Fifi.   
Spike...   
Unh, focus, Pickles, focus! Uuuhhmm, like I was saying Dil waits alone at the Finsters, because that house is closer to his school than ours... Crap! my thought processes seem to be breaking down; I can't even formulate a simple... Settle down, Pickles. This isn't English class, it's my own mind, a simple flashback. Breathe, Pickles.   
Is it just my imagination, or is time slowing down?   
  
Let's just skip the whys & the wherefores; the bottom line is that Dil got in not too long after I did, or it didn't seem that long. Not too long after Phil had laid me out. But there was enough time for me to go get some ice for my jaw. I was upstairs in the bathroom, looking through the medicine cabinet for some of Mom's makeup so I could cover the bruise when I heard the door slam...   
  
*SLAM!*   
"Tommy?"   
"I'm upstairs."   
I could hear him running up the stairs. When the door opened --- I hadn't locked it --- I could see in the mirror that he had questions for me. Questions to which the sight of me added.   
"Tommy, what's go- the h*ll? What happened to you?"   
"Nothing."   
"It doesn't look like 'nothing'."   
"Really, it's nothing, Dil."   
"Uh-huh." Dil flashed me a look as he crossed his arms; he was quite clearly not in the best of moods. "I don't suppose this 'nothing' would have anything to do with the Devilles?"   
How could he know? I spun around to face him. "What do you mean?"   
His face was all business, like Phil's had been earlier, a comparison that did not do wonders for my immediate sense of security.   
"All I know is while I was coming here from the Finsters I passed Lil, or I should say she passed me, running the fastest I'd ever seen her. And she was crying, looked kind of angry more than sad though. I would've asked her what was going on, but it happened too fast. Not ten seconds later here comes Phil, also running the fastest I'd ever seen him. And he was calling after her. And they both were headed the way I'd come, toward the Finsters."   
"If this was so curious why didn't you follow them & get the story from them?"   
"And have you worrying about what had happened to me? Besides, I figured if you knew anything about it I'd do better getting it from you. And if you didn't know there'd be a better chance of us figuring it out together. So? Do you know anything about this?"   
I started to sweat. "Um, maybe."   
His eyebrows lowered. "Maybe? Tommy, I hate it when you guys leave me out of things; I'm only a year younger than you, I think I have a right to know what's going on."   
"I never said you didn't."   
"Don't play around with me, Tommy."   
"I'm not trying to." By now I had given up on covering my bruise; I turned out the light & left the bathroom, escorting Dil to the stairs with me. "Dil, look, I'm hoping that whatever is going on will resolve itself shortly. If it does, it won't matter. And if it doesn't, it won't matter then either."   
"That sounds bad. I still want to know what's going on!"   
"I know. Look, Dilly--"   
"And don't call me Dilly, Tomby!"   
"All right, point taken. Look, give me an hour, okkay?" I was checking my watch. "I figure the situation will be resolved one way or the other by then; after that, I'll tell you the whole--"   
Then the doorbell rang.   
  
He looked at me.   
"You expecting anyone?"   
"I wish, you?   
"I wish too. But I'm starting to think for a different reason than you."   
"Hello?"   
We recognized the voice immediately, muted though it was through the wall of the house and across a flight of stairs. It was a bit more decisive than we were accustomed to, but the peculiar quaver was unmistakable.   
"It's Chuck."   
"Yeah." Dil bolted downstairs to open the door for him; they'd always liked each other --- well, almost always. "Maybe he can fill me in."   
"Maybe he can fill us both in." I muttered.   
He heard me, and swung back to face me. "What?"   
I shook my head. "Nothing."   
He kept his eyes trained on me for a few more seconds, then returned to his self-assigned task of letting in our closest friend.   
I hung back, partly to give them a moment without me, partly so I could eavesdrop. Not something to brag about, that last part, but at this point ethics were becoming a bit cloudy.   
  
"Chuckamuck!"   
"Dill-weed!"   
"Now, since when do you insult me like that?"   
"I know, I know. How you doing?"   
"I'm in a state of confusion."   
"So what's new?"   
"Yeah yeah yeah, but really, this is serious." He paused. "Isn't it?"   
Chuck paused too. "Why, what have you heard?"   
"Nothing, yet."   
"Mm. I'm guessing you want me to tell you."   
"I want SOMEONE to tell me!"   
"Yeah, I'd guessed. Listen, Dil, I really need to have a word with your brother first and--"   
"You know I don't like being out of the loop."   
"I know. I promise, as soon as I talk with your brother we'll--"   
"Is he in trouble?"   
"Why would you ask?"   
"He must be, for you to not call him by name; you called him 'my brother'."   
Another pause. "Dil, I really need to talk with him before I can fill you in."   
"Fine; he's listening in from the stairs."   
Busted. Oh well, I'd been found out; might as well go face the music, whatever that might be.   
"I'm coming down."   
  
If I was counting on reassurance from Chuck about the whole mess, I was disappointed when I saw his face. He was holding back while Dil was there, but there was quite a bit for him to unload I could tell.   
"Tom."   
"Chuck."   
Chuck turned back to my brother. "Dil, if you don't mind?"   
Dil grinned ruefully. "Oh no, don't mind me." He then left, and we could hear him muttering all the way. "Asking me to leave the room just when they're getting to the good stuff, I swear it's just like Mom & Dad, just because I'm not in high school yet doesn't mean I'm a baby or anything..." And so on.   
As I turned back to Chuck, I tried to put a good face on things. "Heh, he's a hoot isn't he?"   
"He's all right."   
"Yeah, that too."   
Then he turned serious, even more serious than usual. "Hopefully, we can be finished with this before your parents get home; don't want to bother them with this if we don't have to."   
"They'll be late; they're on a date tonight."   
"Oh yeah, your mom told us. It's pretty cool having a parent working in your school."   
"It has its advantages, and its disadvantages."   
"I know that's right!" floated down the stairs.   
"DIL!" We chorused.   
"I'm going, I'm going."   
As we heard him retreat further up the stairs, I called after him. "And no you don't know how it is; Mom's never worked at the junior high and you know it!"   
A slamming door was his response.   
  
That taken care of, Chuck and I turned our attentions to each other.   
"Want to have a seat?"   
"I think that would be for the best."   
I shivered at his words; this did not bode well. And it was just the first sentence.   
As soon as we were comfortable, so to speak, we were acutely aware of the silence. It then occurred to me that even though he would be dominating the conversation we were about to have, protocol dictated that I begin it. I was scared, frankly, but it had to be done.   
"What happened?"   
"First tell me what you know. The last you saw of Phil & Lil.   
"Lil found out something Phil didn't want her to know--"   
"About you & Kimi."   
"Was that all he told you? She found out more than that, like what he confessed to."   
"He mentioned that."   
"I'm glad to hear that, but now I'm starting to wonder about his slant."   
"Just tell me what happened."   
"Fine. Phil accused Kimi & me of cheating on him & Lil. It was just one kiss that we agreed was a mistake, though. I explained the situation to him, and I thought all was well. Then he let slip that setting me up with Lil was his idea; based on what he didn't say or almost said I figured that he did that so he'd have a clear shot at Kimi. I called him on it, and I guess I went a bit far--"   
"You think?"   
"Still, that didn't justify the pounding he gave me!"   
It was then that Chuck noticed the damage Phil had done. "Ouch."   
"Really. But Lil had been listening, I don't know for how long. She screamed and ran out, and he followed her. Last I knew they were both heading flat out for your place, which Dil confirmed just before you got here."   
"Does he know?"   
"Would he be trying to pump you if he did?"   
"Right, right."   
This was followed by yet another pause. I waited until I thought I was going to burst.   
"So? What happened next?"   
He shook his head. "It got worse."   
My heart sank. "How much worse?"   
He just looked at me as he intoned, "Worse."   
I had a bit of a fight with myself before resigning myself to take this bitter pill. "Tell me."   
  
"Lil got to our house first. Of course I was glad to see her, but I was also curious as to why she was there. I don't know how many questions I asked or was about to ask, but she shrugged them off; she said she needed to talk with Kimi.   
"I didn't think anything of it; they're best friends, right? But my worldview was about to do a 180.   
"The door to Kimi's room couldn't have been closed for even five seconds before she started in on her. Such shouting, I could hear it all the way at the other end of the house. It wouldn't surprise me if they could hear it outside, how far away? Blocks, maybe? It was that loud. And the language! I wouldn't have thought Lil capable of such; I think she got it from Phil.   
"I don't know how long she'd been going, cussing out my sister. But then the ante was upped; I could hear sounds of hitting."   
I was dumbfounded. "Hitting?!?"   
"That's what I said. Apparently, Lil was trying to do to Kimi what her brother tried to do to you.   
"Now, you know my sister; normally she is the epitome of sweetness, but she's not going to put up with that kind of crap. No one would. It wasn't long before she started hitting back, giving as good as she got, and better. Or I guess I should say worse."   
I was reeling, but Chuck continued his merciless tale.   
"Like I said, you know Kimi. In a fight between her and Lil, do I need to tell you who would win?"   
"Oh, ___," Now I was shaking my head, which my hands were holding. "Merciful heavens." Then I looked up at him. "Please tell me you stopped them."   
"Of course I did, but I had help."   
"Help?"   
"Forgot about Phil, didn't we?"   
"Oh yeah."   
"With all the ruckus I didn't even notice him come in. He'd about broken down Kimi's door before I recovered from the state the fight had left me in. Then I unlocked the door, and we went in.   
"It was horrible. Kimi was pounding away at Lil, who was doing her worst as well. And the blood."   
Did I mention that I was reeling by now? Feeling a bit sick?   
"Anyway, Phil & I each grabbed a sister and wrestled them away from each other. And it wasn't easy, I can tell you that.   
"We made Kimi stay in her room and we put Lil in mine. Then --- after cleaning up the mess as best I could --- I set about getting to the bottom of the whole miserable jumble of bad things."   
"And did you?" I asked.   
He nodded. "While we were waiting for the girls to cool off I got part of the story out of Phil. When they'd recovered, I got more." I didn't like the look Chuck gave me just then. "I don't mind telling you I was shocked. It does explain why he was so cheesed off today, especially at you."   
"I guess it does, but his hands weren't exactly clean on that subject."   
"I'm not saying they were."   
"Are you going to have it out with him like you're doing with me?"   
"No need to take it personally; I'm being like this with you because you're here. I'll deal with Phil later."   
"Good." Then I remembered the fight. "Please, tell me no one got seriously injured, at least physically."   
"I wish I could, but I just don't know. Lil looked pretty bad; she might have to go in the hospital, or not. We just don't know."   
"Oh, ___!" I repeated.   
"We'll know more soon. It goes without saying that I had to call next door," he jerked a thumb in the direction of the Devilles, "and down to the Java Lava. Which is closed right now."   
"Huh. I don't remember hearing anyone leave."   
"You were preoccupied."   
"Yeah, I guess."   
"I really don't know how things are going to turn out. Our dads are trying to work things out as we speak. Chaz Finster & Howard Deville are best friends; they go back a long way. That might be the only reason things aren't worse than they are, but even that bond is being strained."   
"I can imagine."   
"No, you can't."   
I had to think about that one. "No. I can't."   
  
Maybe Chuck could have looked at me harder, or with more intensity, but I didn't see how. "Tom, I'm worried about this. I'm worried about the whole situation, what effect it will have on the group. And I'm worried about you."   
I then decided that it would be a good time to put a good face on things, you know, try to be Fearless Tommy again & give out the vibe that even if things weren't all right, I'd make them all right. That turned out to be yet another mistake, a big one.   
"Chuck, I'm one part of the problem you don't need to worry about. And give me a little time; I'll settle things with the others."   
"This can't be resolved that easily." He was starting to tense up on me. I should have taken that hint.   
"Yes it can." I can be so full of myself sometimes, did you know that? "You just leave everything to me."   
"Tom." He was warning me; I should have paid attention.   
"No, really, I'll wait a few days, give everyone a chance to calm down --- including me --- and then I'll call them up, one at a time. We'll talk it out; there isn't a problem that can't be settled by talking about it. Use your words, as Lil sometimes says."   
"Mm-mm."   
"Now you just don't worry about it."   
"That's asking the impossible, and you know it."   
"I can do this."   
"You? You can't even be calm about it."   
"I can; just not right now."   
"I'll say; you as much as accused Phil of pimping Lil!"   
"While I admit I went too far, can you honestly say that's not what he did?"   
"No. Wait, you haven't done anything with her, have you?"   
"No!"   
"Good. She shouldn't be taken advantage of. She should be treated like a queen."   
"Even after what she tried to do to your sister?"   
"Now you see, that's what I'm talking about; you can't be objective about this!"   
"Sure I can."   
"Tom..."   
"What's your problem with me trying to straighten this mess out anyway?"   
"I don't know; I just don't think it's a good idea."   
"Chuck, you've said that about every idea I've had for, for as long as we've known each other. What do you think would be a good idea?"   
Now I was starting to get tense. And I wasn't the only one who noticed; I think I remember hearing someone --- not me or Chuck --- say "Uh, guys?" But neither of us really noticed at the time; we were preoccupied.   
"Now there, you see what I mean? That's exactly what got you in trouble with Phil; you just couldn't keep your mouth shut, or under control, even."   
"Yes I can."   
"Well, you didn't!"   
"Chuck..."   
"And what about me? All I did was say that I didn't think it would be a good idea, and you exploded!"   
"Guys?" There was that voice again.   
"Chuck, wait a minute. Look, I just got out of the losing end of what was about to become a fight; of course I would be a bit high-strung right now, a bit touchy; who wouldn't be? Give me a day or two to calm down, and I'll set all the rest of it to rights."   
"Oh, you will not!"   
"C'mon, don't I always?"   
"You might want to have that head taken in."   
"Ooh, that hurt."   
"Guys?!?" There went that voice again; did we care?   
"Seriously, most of the time things turn out all right, but not because of you. And you cause no end of negative fallout along the way, side effects and all."   
"You're exaggerating."   
"No, I'm not. Look, your reckless approach to solving problems just won't work this time!"   
"It's called courage, Chuck; you might want to look into it?"   
"And you might want to look into something called caution."   
"Chuck--"   
"Tom, listen to me! This is big; I feel like the group is coming apart as we speak! And this thing can't be wished away; you can't just put on a bold & happy face and go straighten it out. This is no little problem; it's not like getting lost, going on a trip somewhere we don't know. This is really, truly, frightening."   
"You think I don't know that? I'm scared too, Chuck. Which is why I want to fix this. Courage is about going ahead, even when you're scared. I have to do this, I have to try my best to work things out between me & Phil & Lil & Kimi. But it is for me to worry about; you don't have to."   
"Tom--"   
"No no, we'll work it out between us. you just find something else to worry about. I know! Why don't you go do something with Samantha and..."   
I didn't know it then, but I would in a second; without meaning to, I'd pushed him too far, and I would pay for it.   
  
Remember now, Chuck had just gotten dumped, and hadn't told us; so I had no way of knowing that it would be a sensitive subject with him.   
With him being dumped in mind, it doesn't take too much imagination to figure that added to the problems with the group and the problems at home --- his sister, remember --- a breakup could push him over the edge. Knowing this, I probably wouldn't have pushed him that far, if I'd had any idea I was pushing him at all. But I didn't know the former, and I had no idea of the latter; so it couldn't really be held against me by anyone else, what I'd said to him. And so it was in all innocence that I said,   
"...why don't you go do something with Samantha and..."   
And that's what sent him over the edge. Something snapped inside him.   
My memories of the next few minutes are quite limited. I saw my best friend's face darken, heard him scream "D*mn you, Pickles!", and then I was in a fight for my life, or at least I thought I was. Yes, from my perception of the event at the time, my best friend was trying to kill me.   
He'd jumped on top of me. One hand was around my throat, the other swinging away at any and every part of me it could find. It wasn't long before nature once again took its sad course; acting on instinct and a sense of self-preservation, I started hitting back, along with whatever else occurred to me. I still don't want to think about what I did to him, what he did to me.   
After a time I noticed two things. One was that I was dealing with more person than I'd thought or had gone in dealing with; the other was that there was a lot of red hair, much more than I'd thought Chuck had. It wasn't until immediately after we were separated that I realized it wasn't an unexpected addition to Chuck; it was my brother Dil.   
Yes, it was my brother --- the source of those "guys?" I had heard during my heated discussion with Chuck. Now he had jumped into the fray, with the single goal of getting us to stop it. And after a good deal of pushing and pulling --- not to mention all sorts of words, coherent and otherwise --- he finally succeeded by literally knocking our heads together.   
While I was recovering from my chimes being rung I had a point blank vantage point of my brother's anguished face. Add one to the number of skewers for my heart; it might as well have been in one of those magic tricks, the one with the box and the knives.   
Then he backed up a step, the better to fix the both of us in his sights. From the look I got I was thankful that we don't live in one of those cultures where it's considered acceptable to sell family members into slavery. And Chuck and I both were getting that look.   
It inspired Chuck's mouth into action. "Dil, I can explain--"   
"Don't bother; you've said enough. I've been listening; I heard everything!"   
Each word was like a whip lash, to Chuck as well as to me I could sense. He tried again, but this time Dil silenced him before the first word.   
"Just get out of here. Now, while I'm still in control of myself."   
I guess Chuck gave up, or could see there was nothing he could do, or something. For whatever reason, he left the room and the house.   
  
After Chuck's experience --- with both of us --- I was hesitant to approach my little brother, but it had to be done. I took a deep breath, gulped, and went to take my medicine.   
"Dil?"   
Without warning he turned around, catching me in a roundhouse slap to the face. I spun, telling myself repeatedly that I deserved it.   
"All right, I had that com--"   
"DON'T! talk to me." I could see he'd been crying, as I had been and was again starting to.   
"I'd slap you around some more myself, but you're not worth it."   
I tried again to say something to him, anything, but he literally gave me the cold shoulder. He brushed past me and stomped up the stairs, giving off the unmistakable vibe that he had nothing to say to me.   
Halfway up, he hesitated. Then he turned to look down on me. He'd changed his mind; he did have one more thing to say to me.   
"You know, I've always worshipped the both of you. You & Chuck, you've always been my heroes. I've wanted to be just like you. But right now, I can't stand the sight of either of you. Just do me a favor and stay out of my life. And that goes for the rest of you too. Whatever it is that has you guys going at each other like this, I don't want any part of it."   
"But..." I reached after him, desperately.   
But nothing. A slamming door was his only reply.   
After a while I went back to looking for Mom's makeup; it now had a bigger job to do, more bruises to conceal.   
  
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And that was how I lost my best friend. And my brother; I can count the words he's said to me since then on one hand. Wait, counting what he said today I guess I can use both hands.   
  
  
  
So much for this chapter. I'll put up the next one in a few days. As usual, please keep on doing that r&r thing. I'm Nftnat, on e-mail I'm Nftnat@aol.com , & on IM I'm Nftnat . Cy'all. 


	5. Chapter 5

After what, four years, I finally surface to continue these stories. I apologize for the long, long, LONG delays. I feel like I should type a few more lines of mea culpas, but I'd rather get back to the story.

Now, the acknowledgments.

Lil Kimi: You're right; it is devastating. Wound on wound, as one of the Greek playwrights had Oedipus say. And you haven't had much of a choice but to wait; I'm sorry about that.

Wicked Wonder: You'll have cause from this story to be happy. It won't be soon, but it will happen. Thanks for your kind words.

Starry Nights: See what I said to LK. Ordinarily Tommy would be a bit gun-shy but this is his best friend, or was, and he didn't know about certain recent baggage. I didn't really like baggage when I started on ff.n, but I find that I have a thing for it.

egbkid: Thank you; I will try to.

Rugrats and all characters and concepts thereof are created by and copyright Klasky-Csupo and Nickelodeon, a unit of Viacom.

I'm at the, um... whatever you call it. I'm there, where you go to give the eulogy. Any second now, I'll open my mouth, and I still have no idea what's going to come out. I just know that I'm going to wing it. I'll have to; it's a bit late to start writing a speech.

I turn to face the people. My former friends are right there in the middle, both ways. Middle of the room, midway from here to the rear. And amid all the dark colors - chiefly black - a scrap of pink is unmistakable.

I know who that is; now was that ever a stupid thought. Of course I know who it is; I just said they're my former friends, and there's only one of them who wears that pink bow in her hair day in, day out, even at occasions like this... Sorry, I lost it there, again.

You know that old chestnut about great periods of time going through your mind in a matter of seconds? Seconds that seem like hours to the person experiencing, um, whatever that, uh, phenomenon, that the word, experiencing that phenomenon? I can vouch for that; I know that seconds are passing normally but for me they're like hours, hours in which I'm reliving the last act - you could call it the coda - to the destruction of the group. The hours highlighted - if that's the word - by my last contact with the one among them to which I should have been the closest. My ex-girlfriend.

Lil.

A week had passed, the last week of school. Last week of ninth grade. By then, word was out that the group was no more. Mercifully, other students didn't have much time to take advantage of the situation, so the sharks didn't have much opportunity to move in on us. I think; I wasn't really paying attention.

I was paying attention to the Finsters and the Devilles. I had heard - through third-hand information - about them breaking it off with each other later that same day, outside of the hospital. Of course I wouldn't have heard it from any of them; none of them had spoken to me, or come anywhere near me, since then.

On my end, I had made efforts to reestablish communications, reestablish relations; but every time I'd tried, before I'd get too close, I'd get these overwhelming bad vibes. A strong sense of self-preservation kicked in, and I'd get away from whoever it was.

That day, though, a week later; it was different. I was as good as my word to Chuck; after a week I'd determined to try to heal things, despite Chuck's advice, the last bit of advice I'd gotten from him.

I'd figured that going next door was as good a start as any, so there I was, at the back door of the Devilles'. I'd figured that way, I'd be less likely to run into Mrs. Deville; she can be frightening, especially if someone runs afoul of the family.

Like I said, there I was at the back door of the Deville house, trying to see in. I peeked through the curtains. Someone was puttering around, female apparently. And I thought I saw a little bit of something that looked like it might have been pink. It was her, apparently alone. Luck was with me, I thought.

So much for what I thought.

knock knock knock

The puttering stopped. I could hear steps approaching the door. Then silence; I guess she looked through the peephole then. Then faster, more purposeful steps away. She was up to something, I could tell.

"Lil?"

Silence.

Well, not silence; I could hear some activity. She was up to something, something that involved tools, light machinery, whatever. Light machinery?

I should have taken warning from that, but I didn't. What's not doing one more thing I should have done?

"I just want to talk."

More silence and noise. I wonder where Phil is? I just hope their mother's not at home; have I mentioned she can be scary?

"You know we'll have to talk about it eventually. Aren't you the one usually telling us to use our words?"

The noises are approaching the door. Now... what's she doing in there?

"Lil?"

Suddenly the noise apparently travels upward, like just above my head but still in front of me. I look up. Have they always had that transom? The one that a hose is snaking out of.

Hose? Uh-oh.

As soon as I realize what's coming, it comes. Cold, hard, and there's lots of it. Well, at least it's almost summer; if it was winter... shudder As I try to dodge the homemade hailstorm I find myself regretting yet another mistake: showing the gang how to attach a hose to the ice machine.

As suddenly as it started, it stops. Someone's talking to her, sounds like her father. Well, there's that at least. Now I guess he'll... yep, there goes the hose.

I guess now he'll... gulp The door's opening. Wow, when he takes it into his head to look sad, oh, man.

"Uh, hi Mr. D."

"Tommy. I think you'd better go home now."

I can't say that I didn't expect that, but I am crushed at seeing how disappointed he is. He's an all right guy, really. "Yes, sir."

I turn to go. After a few steps I realize I didn't hear the door close. I turn back and see that he's still standing in the doorway, looking at me.

"I'm really sorry about all of this, sir."

Just when I thought he couldn't look any sadder... "Me too, Tommy. Me too."

The door closed, and I got the feeling other doors were closing on other things, if you know what I mean. With nothing else to do, I turned back around and walked back home.

That was the last time I'd even seen any of them, until today. Until now.

So enough delay. Next time is the eulogy, and I am scared; I have no idea what Tommy is going to say. Well, I'll have to figure it out somehow. I'll try to get right on that. See y'all around; I'm Nftnat.


End file.
